Shepherding A Child's Heart

I've been reading Shepherding a Child's Heart, recently, and taking notes.  Here are some things I've written down. Suggestions?

I now see that I need to correct his rebellious heart, but am not sure how to communicate with a one-year-old.   The spanking I do is in response to his clear rebellion – when he does the opposite of what I told him.  He now is a pro at arching his back, crying out angrily and falling to the ground when he doesn’t get his way.  He’s learned to be a bit more careful than when he started, because he used to slam his head on the floor more often.  Now he sometimes lowers his head to the ground carefully before resuming the fit.   What I don’t know is what to do when he does this when he is just disappointed that he didn’t get something.  He’s not rebelling against a direct order, but just expressing his anger and disappointment.  Is that spanking worthy?

Which of the unbiblical methods above have you seen yourself use?  Can you think of any other common unbiblical approaches to discipline and correction?

Well, I guess I have used a punitive approach a few times when I put Nathan in a time-out in his crib.  Sometimes he just can’t handle anything, and so I put him there to get a grip.  Sometimes that means he needs a nap, and sometimes it means he just needs to chill out without an audience.

I spank him now, but I don’t always find a way to tie it into how he must submit to God’s authority.  This morning after a fit, I spanked him and then said something like this:  “Mommy said ‘no hitting the glass door’ and you did it anyway.  That was wrong and Mommy had to spank you [hug]…because God put me in authority [he wanders under the kitchen table]… and you must learn to listen [he picks up a toy and brings it to me]…and I’m glad we had this conversation.  It was meaningful.”  I don’t think this approach is entirely helpful so far.

What changes would you have to make in your conversational style if you were going to have a conversation like the second example about the new sneakers?

Well, conversation is limited because he only knows a few words.  However, at MOMS nursery this week, I tried to do some of this with the three-year-olds.  One boy was playing with a group of boys and another new boy walked in.  I asked the new boy, Austin, what he wanted to play with and he pointed to an unused truck.  Andrew took it immediately after Austin made his intention known, and then looked at him and said, “You’re not one of us.”  I said, “Andrew, how do you think you would feel if someone told you that you could not play with them because you were not one of them?  Sad?”  Andrew impishly said, “No, I wouldn’t feel sad.”  I countered, “I think you would.  You need to think of others feelings too.”  But it was a busy room with lots of kids.  Conversation was lost amid the activity, and he wasn’t my kid anyway.  But I guess I should have started out with asking questions that got to his heart before appealing to any emotions.  Like, “Did it make you feel powerful, or good to say that he could not play with you?” or “Did telling him that he could not play with you make you feel better?” or “Were you concerned that you would not have toys to play with if he played with a truck that was not being used?”