Wake Me Up When September Ends

So, today is the 29th.  The song "Wake me up when September ends" always runs through my mind this time of year.  It has been three years since that day - horrible haunting day - the day my brothers died in a car accident.  Two years ago, we drove to Michigan and were with my family.  My parents house was dedicated, and we also went to the grave site.  One year ago, I wanted to do something, and not have this day pass like any other.  Jon surprised me by taking the day off of work and we drove to the mountains with our three month old baby and picked apples.  It was peaceful driving through the mountains, and a good day.  Jon asked me if I wanted him to take the day off again this year, and I said no.  It feels different.  I still do not want this day to be like every other day, and I wish I could be in Michigan again, but... I don't know how to explain it.  I didn't need him to be home with me today, I guess.  I didn't want him to waste a day off.

So, I decided to visit the Iraqi family I made friends with more than a year ago.  This was the third time I've seen them recently, and before that it had been months.  Our church started a new series called the Gospel in Life, and the first sermon talked about being involved in the city, and praying for it.  I remembered this family that World Relief had put me in contact with when I was tutoring English.  After that sermon, I called them up and have been bringing them diapers, some of Nathan's outgrown clothes, and today a great book that I found at Kohls.  I struggle with being selfish with my time, and so sometimes it is hard for me to find the motivation to call them.  The visits are never short, and because of their still limited English, conversation is rather limited.  But it was good to give of my time today, and a little bit of our money on gifts.  Jon has such a generous spirit, and it is good to learn from him.  He encouraged me this morning when I told him I was thinking of calling the family.

And it went really well!  They told me about their classes, asked about my family, and we looked through the book I gave them - a colorful board book with 100 words.  It's meant for babies, really, but the mom was happy to try to say the words too.  They had me try some Arabic words for the animals, and we had a good time.  The second time they asked "How are you,"  I told them that I was a little bit sad today.  I had told them before about my brothers, and I said that today it was three years since my brothers had died.  They were very empathetic and talked about their 5 year old son who had been killed in Iraq.  The dad has a brain injury where he was shot in the head - I believe at the same time his son was killed.  For our limited conversation abilities, it was a touching time for me.  It was good to just be with people - and to give my time a bit.

The day is only half over, and I don't know what I will do with the rest.  It is supposed to storm this afternoon, or I would take Nathan to the park again.  It is still a dreary day, but the Lord is being good to me today.

Shepherding A Child's Heart

I've been reading Shepherding a Child's Heart, recently, and taking notes.  Here are some things I've written down. Suggestions?

I now see that I need to correct his rebellious heart, but am not sure how to communicate with a one-year-old.   The spanking I do is in response to his clear rebellion – when he does the opposite of what I told him.  He now is a pro at arching his back, crying out angrily and falling to the ground when he doesn’t get his way.  He’s learned to be a bit more careful than when he started, because he used to slam his head on the floor more often.  Now he sometimes lowers his head to the ground carefully before resuming the fit.   What I don’t know is what to do when he does this when he is just disappointed that he didn’t get something.  He’s not rebelling against a direct order, but just expressing his anger and disappointment.  Is that spanking worthy?

Which of the unbiblical methods above have you seen yourself use?  Can you think of any other common unbiblical approaches to discipline and correction?

Well, I guess I have used a punitive approach a few times when I put Nathan in a time-out in his crib.  Sometimes he just can’t handle anything, and so I put him there to get a grip.  Sometimes that means he needs a nap, and sometimes it means he just needs to chill out without an audience.

I spank him now, but I don’t always find a way to tie it into how he must submit to God’s authority.  This morning after a fit, I spanked him and then said something like this:  “Mommy said ‘no hitting the glass door’ and you did it anyway.  That was wrong and Mommy had to spank you [hug]…because God put me in authority [he wanders under the kitchen table]… and you must learn to listen [he picks up a toy and brings it to me]…and I’m glad we had this conversation.  It was meaningful.”  I don’t think this approach is entirely helpful so far.

What changes would you have to make in your conversational style if you were going to have a conversation like the second example about the new sneakers?

Well, conversation is limited because he only knows a few words.  However, at MOMS nursery this week, I tried to do some of this with the three-year-olds.  One boy was playing with a group of boys and another new boy walked in.  I asked the new boy, Austin, what he wanted to play with and he pointed to an unused truck.  Andrew took it immediately after Austin made his intention known, and then looked at him and said, “You’re not one of us.”  I said, “Andrew, how do you think you would feel if someone told you that you could not play with them because you were not one of them?  Sad?”  Andrew impishly said, “No, I wouldn’t feel sad.”  I countered, “I think you would.  You need to think of others feelings too.”  But it was a busy room with lots of kids.  Conversation was lost amid the activity, and he wasn’t my kid anyway.  But I guess I should have started out with asking questions that got to his heart before appealing to any emotions.  Like, “Did it make you feel powerful, or good to say that he could not play with you?” or “Did telling him that he could not play with you make you feel better?” or “Were you concerned that you would not have toys to play with if he played with a truck that was not being used?”